I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
