i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
