Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
