shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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