You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
