You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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