just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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