his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
