Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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