wat bout pragnant strippers??
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
