the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
