Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
