I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
