Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
