your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
