I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
