did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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