Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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