I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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