I feel like abortions should bother me more
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
