is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
