if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We smell like vodka and hangover
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