Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
