Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
