A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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