Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
