idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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