I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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