We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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