She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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