Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
