You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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