there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
