dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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