some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
