he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
