oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
