New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
