Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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