Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize