You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you never un-have a 4some
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
