So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
