Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize