Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
