Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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