TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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