This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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