addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize