I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
