Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
