so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
