Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
