is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
