You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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