I murdered the dance floor call the cops
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
