david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
