well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
