I need help removing her.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
