Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
