Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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