why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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