wat bout pragnant strippers??
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
