I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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