Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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