I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
