Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
